October 31, 2010
October 31, 2008
A sense of isolation, preferably cultivated from preschool. (Threadbare, ill-fitting clothes help. So does that awareness of being different in kind that only a narrow religion can provide. If all your schoolmates are going to burn in hell, and you alone aren’t, how can you be on the same footing? How can you let yourself like them, knowing their fate?) Paranoia, that feeling of always being watched, always being judged, is a must. (Threadbare, ill-fitting clothes help. So does a narrow religion, one that teaches — what are those words? — “There’s an all-seing eye that watches you, everything you say, everything you do.” OK, I lied when I said, “what are those words?” I’ve never been able to forget them. Forgive me, Lord.) And now you don’t believe. Now, judged by your childhood self, your prim adolescence, your father’s ghost, you are a monster.
(Angsty, ain’t it? I haven’t had my coffee yet.)