November 6, 2006

Election predictions from Missouri

Filed under: Uncategorized — crcb @ 8:59 pm

In the state:

  • Stem cell research narrowly passes.
  • The tobacco tax increase fails.
  • More votes are cast for McCaskill, but more votes are counted for Talent.


  • Republicans retain control of the Senate.
  • Thanks to gerrymandering, voter suppression and election fraud, Republicans retain control of the House.
  • Accusations of rigged elections flurry around the blogosphere. Mainstream news outlets ignore the story, except to dismiss those who question the vote as conspiracy theorists.
  • Democrats move further to the right. Hillary Clinton declares the ACLU a terrorist organization. Joe Lieberman suggests dropping nukes on Ted Kennedy. John Kerry pins his purple hearts to his nipples.
  • Citizens grow increasingly cynical. By 2012, only those actually running for office bother to vote. And their spouses. Sometimes.
  • In 2024, all political offices are made hereditary. The first Tuesday after November 1st becomes National Zither Day.
  • In 2080, we finally have a female president. But only because we’ve ceded our sovereignty to India.

(This was originally posted to my userspace at


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